Red Hats and Pat don't match

I am lucky to be blessed with a great group of women friends here in Mesa. They range in age from 54-80. The "core" group that I mostly do things with are from 54-69. Many of them are members of the Red Hat Society.

Do you know what that is?

It's women who go out together to eat, to the theater, etc., wearing purple and red, showing off that they are a proud member of the Red Hat Club, and proud of their age. They are supposed to be dealing with their age with a sense of humor by dressing up with these two clashing colors and saying to the world, "Look, I'm middle-aged. Now deal with it!"

I'm not dissing the Red Hat Society and their beliefs, but I'm not interested in joining their group for the following reasons:

a) Yeah, okay, so I'm middle-aged. It's better than being dead, mind you, but I don't have to shout from the roof tops that I'm over the hill!

b) I don't have to wear red and purple to call attention to myself. I can raise my own "freaky flag", thank you very much!

The other day my friends were talking about starting our own charter of the Red Hat Society.

"I'll never join," I said.

With various cries of, "Why not?" and "You're old enough!" I had to defend my decision to my friends.

One said, "Well, then you'll miss all the fun!"

Why can't we just all go out and forget about wearing any of that funky crap?

Someone suggested changing the colors to black and white.

Why wear anything?

Well, let me rephrase that.

Why do we have to wear something alike to link us all together? Isn't our friendship enough?

My husband, Jim, knows how much the Red Hat Society bugs me. In fact, any time we are out and about and we see a group of women dressed up in purple/red, he'll nudge me and say, "Look, hon, that could be you!"

I just want to slap him!

Okay, so maybe it's true that old people are testy about their age.

I don't WANT to join no stinking club! GOT IT?

If my husband is so interested in the Red Hat Society, why doesn't HE join?

Wait. It's only for women.

It just dawned on me. I could try an experiment and go to bed with nothing on but a red hat and purple boa and see how turned on he gets!

But I digress.

So the other day I was riding around our resort park going to patio sales (our version of garage sales), and when I returned I found this monstrosity sitting on one of my chairs outside of my trailer.

One of my friends (RACHEL!) thought this would be perfect for me, especially with that big "H" on the front that matches the initial of my last name.

Wasn't that sooo sweet of her?

You DO know sarcasm when you read it, right?

Long story short, the hat was passed around and is now back to it's rightful owner (RACHEL)!

She let me borrow it for this picture. It is the one and only time you will see me wear this.

By the way, if I should die before y'all, don't you dare stick a red hat on my head, for you will surely witness a person turning over in her grave! AND I will come back and haunt you!
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