A Picture Paints a Thousand Butts Words

All art requires courage*. ~Anne Tucker

*especially in the following cases

I don't get it. I just don't get it. I try to appreciate ART in all its forms. I'll try to see the beauty of a big red triangle on a dark blue background that's called modern art. Sometimes I'll have to cock my head this way and that, or squint my eyes to see the beauty of a painting. But I must be missing something here. Tell me the beauty of this.

Yesterday morning 5000 gay, lesbian and straight people stood in front of the Sydney Opera House in Australia. Naked. As the day they were born. Spencer Tunick was the photographer.

The photograph is stunning, true. But what I find even more stunning is getting everyone to stand still long enough to shoot the photo. According to the Sydney Morning Herald, "Tunick directed the crowd via megaphone with a flurry of instructions, seemingly able to pick out individual people among the thousands: 'that guy with the hairy chest', 'the really white guy'". He often reminded the crowd not to look at him. He also instructed the crowd to embrace one another. Now remember, THEY ARE NUDE. Some people balked at this, shall we say, act of "togetherness." His response? "anyone who didn't should get out."

Okay, the truth of the matter is, I'm just baffled over the logistics of this whole scenario. For instance, where does everybody put their clothes? Are they handed one of those plastic bags you get in the hospital to put all your clothing in, and mark your name across the front? Or do they just fold their clothes up in neat little piles, tucking their underwear and bra in the pants, like I do when I have a doctor's visit, so no one can see my underwear? What about socks? Somebody's GOT to lose a sock! And do you think EVERYONE comes with clean underwear?

Look closely at this shot.

Look at the position every one is in. How close together they all are. You can't tell be that somebody didn't fart there. Seriously. Scrunching into the fetal position like that you're bound to squeeze out a little gas. Can you just picture a group of people scattering, and old Spencer there see's a gaping hole in his sea of people and thinks, "WTF?", and gets on his megaphone,

"Crrrrk! Okay people! What's the problem?"

You'd hear somebody yell from the crowd, "He farted!"

"Crrrk! Get back in your places! Now!"

The people would be coughing and waving their hands in front of their faces.

Now here's an interesting shot.

I wonder if the people were lying directly on top of the snow, or if they had something under them. In either case, I'm sure there was a LOT of SHRINKAGE involved for the men, and as that old southern saying goes, "NIPPLES TO THE WIND", ladies. And how much you want to bet there was at LEAST one guy who "wrote" his name in the snow, if you get my drift?

Could you imagine being late for your train, running through Grand Central Station in New York City, and stumble across, well, nude bodies?

This had to of been taken in the middle of the night because there is NO WAY they could have cleared it of people to take this photo. When I think of all the germs on that very same floor that they are lying on, it kind of gives me the dry heaves.

So let's say you have a kid in college, and you asked what he did over the weekend and he said something like, "I got naked with about 3,000 other kids and we got on our hands and knees in the middle of the campus." You'd think he was kidding. Maybe not. This was at a university in Mexico. So maybe he'd say this all in Spanish, but since my Spanish is rusty, and I can only remember, "Yo tango lachuga in mis pantalunas" which loosely translates to, "I have lettuce in my pants," I figured I couldn't really say the above sentences in Spanish so deal with it.

I DO know how to say, "Donde esta el bano?" (Where is the bathroom?) which makes me wonder if being nude makes the guys want to just piss behind a tree instead of going to a real restroom? Just wondering.....

If you want to learn more information about the Sydney photo shoot, watch this video. It does contain images of nude bodies. All for the sake of art, of course.

A photograph is memory in the raw. ~Carrie Latet
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