Hon, where is the....?

My husband can't seem to find anything, even if it's right in front of his face. The other day he was looking for the fingernail clippers. I heard him digging around in the medicine cabinet for a few minutes. "Hon, where are the fingernail clippers? I can't find them."

"They're on that little tray, bottom shelf, left side," I tell him, almost by rote.

"No, they're not. YOU must have moved them," he said, stubbornly.

But of course. It MUST be my fault that he can't find them.

"NO," I said, a little more emphatically, "they are THERE. Look AGAIN."

He did a little more digging, and then I heard, "OH! HERE they are!"

I sat at the kitchen table, smiling smugly. You see, I'm so used to this. Living in a trailer, you have a place for everything, and put everything in it's place. We have been living like this for 4 1/2 years now. You'd think it would start to sink in. But, it really isn't that. It's that my husband can't find anything that's RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM.

How often does he open the refrigerator and say, "We are out of mayonnaise."

"No, we're not," I reply.

"I don't see it."

With a big eye roll, I'll get up, go to the refrigerator, reach in, and hand him the mayo. Granted, sometimes I might have to MOVE SOME BOTTLES AROUND, but, hello? Is that so hard?

A woman I know believes that men can't find things because they don't have a uterus. She believes the uterus is some sort of "tracking" device and can find anything. I really think she's on to something here. Even if you get a hysterectomy, there must be some traces left inside, because a woman can still find things.

Maybe it's because men don't take in details as well as women. Okay, maybe I shouldn't generalize here. Most men I know don't take in details. Like when I say to Jim, "Look at this mess in here!" He looks back at me with glazed over eyes and says, "Huh?"

He could STEP OVER a pile of stuff and not think anything of it.

My mom told me once that if you wanted to see how good of a bride your future daughter-in-law would make, lay a broom across the doorway.

If she stepped over it and walked into the house; she's hopeless as a housekeeper. If she picked it up before entering, TA-DA!! She's a KEEPER! In my case, Jim wouldn't even NOTICE the broom unless he TRIPPED on it! My mother-in-law never gave me the test, but I'm sure I would have picked it up. My mom told me that even when I was a toddler, I used to notice if she washed a throw rug and put it down differently. I would go over to the rug, pick it up, and rearrange it to the way it was before. I know - I have some "issues"! Do you all feel sorry for Jim? DON'T!

Jim has come to rely on his stupid GPS so much, that he even puts in the addresses of places THAT WE KNOW HOW TO GET TO. I don't know if it's like a security blanket or what. And we ALL know that the GPS HAD to be invented by a man - we know how men hated to stop and ask for directions. Or at least Jim did!

He traveled a lot with his first job with the government. He was on the road constantly. I'm sure he only ate at restaurants with signs like these .....

....because that's all he could find. This was before the GPS was invented!
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