Between the Sheets

Today Jim and I had some errands to run and while we were out and about, I suggested that we eat at one of our favorite restaurants in Mesa called "Tasty Joe's - Asian Diner". I know - the name kind of throws you.

The food there is delicious. Jim likes his food spicy. I prefer mine on the mild side. He ordered Lemon Black Pepper Beef; I had chicken lettuce wraps. Of course, we ended the meal with fortune cookies.

I think two things must occur to properly read your fortune:

1) You MUST take the cookie that is facing towards YOU; and

2) You MUST read your fortune OUT LOUD, and add the words, "between the sheets" to the end of your fortune. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN! AND it's FUNNY!

Let me give you an example. Here are our fortunes from today:

1)Your love life will soon be happy and harmonious. Okay. Not bad. Now. Read it again with the added three words.

Your love life will soon be happy and harmonious BETWEEN THE SHEETS. Funny? Yeah, I think so.

2) The heart that loves is always young. Okay. That's nice, right? Now again with the three added words.

The heart that loves is always young BETWEEN THE SHEETS. Better, yes?

So why am I telling you this?

1) So you, too, can have fun when you go out for Chinese food; and

2) So I can complain about my husband (again, I know!) Jim REFUSES to add the words, "between the sheets" to his fortune. Hell, he'll rarely even read his fortune out loud! It just infuriates me that he won't play along with my little game. So I told him, if I looked up the word, "curmudgeon" in the dictionary I would find his picture!

Okay, so maybe that's not a good example of a curmudgeon, but take my word for it - he is - at least when it comes to reading fortunes!

I mean, c'mon, even Wikipedia talks about ways to eat a fortune cookie.
There is a common joke involving fortune cookies that involves appending "between the sheets" or "in bed" to the end of the fortune, usually creating a sexual innuendo or other bizarre messages (e.g., "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall [in bed]").
Although many people do not take the message in a fortune cookie as a serious oracular device, many of them consider it part of the game that the entire cookie must be consumed in order for the fortune to come true. Variations on this idea include not eating the cookie if a fortune seems unlucky, or eating the entire cookie as well as the fortune, or the idea that the entire cookie must be eaten before the fortune is read. Conversely, the fortune must be read before any of the cookie is eaten. While some people believe the fortune will not come true if it is read aloud, or read at all, other people follow rules involving how the cookie is selected -- including selecting a cookie with closed eyes, passing a cookie to another person at the table, or choosing the cookie that seems to be pointing directly at you.

Do you ever wonder about the person who sits at the typewriter or computer and thinks up these fortunes? Just what goes through his/her mind? Do the fortunes slant towards happy things if he is having a good day versus bad things if he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed? I wonder if he was suffering from a hangover when he wrote some of these. Yes, these are actual fortunes.

"Your smile will tell you what makes you feel good."(between the sheets)

"The night life is for you."

"Don't panic."(between the sheets)

"You have an unusual equipment for success, use it properly."(between the sheets)

"It could be better, but it's good enough."(between the sheets)

"You will find a thing. It may be important."(between the sheets)

"The calling that has sounded will not be the lasting call."

"You will prosper in the field of wacky inventions."(between the sheets) (I wonder if it comes with a battery?)

"Remember to share good fortune was well as bad with your friends."

"You may be hungry soon; order a takeout now."

"I cannot talk right now. Even fortune cookies need to sleep sometime!"

"Never kiss an elephant on the lips."

You can see that I added my three little words to some of them for some extra fun!

I often wonder what kind of quality control is in the places where they make the fortune cookies. I get so upset when I crack one open and there is no fortune inside! I feel so cheated!

Fortune Cookie Generator

So next time you eat a fortune cookie, raise it up, and think of me, between the sheets. Wait, that came out wrong. Well, you know what I mean!
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