If you REALLY loved me, you'd tattoo my name on your, er, BODY part

Whenever you see someone with a tattoo of a person's name, do you wonder if they are still in that relationship? Some people believe that if you tattoo the one you love on your body, that you will jinx your relationship. Couples have been known to break up afterward. AWKWARD. Think of all the celebrities who get a tattoo of their current "love interest". Not a good idea.

Take for instance Angelina Jolie.

Angelina first got an "H" tattooed on the inside of her left wrist as a nod to her then-boyfriend Timothy Hutton.



That relationship didn't last. Now she says the "H" is in honor of her brother, James Haven. Wink, wink.

Then she turned around and married Jonny Lee Miller



They got identical Japanese character tattoos. Then got divorced in 1999. She later changed the tattoo to a Tennessee Williams quote.

We move on to her marriage with Billy Bob Thornton.



I have Billy Bob tattooed down there so any time I do a love scene, the name is really, really clear." -Angelina Jolie

Also notice his name in large letters on her upper arm.

They divorced after three years. I'm not sure what she did with the tattoo down "below", but I'm sure Brad's not looking at it every time she undresses, you know what I'm saying?



The one on her arm was removed and she has all the birth places and dates of her children tattooed in that area. Luckily she has a LOT of children so they cover up where the infamous "BILLY BOB" was scripted.

Angelina Jolie isn't the only one to take the plunge when it comes to tattoos. There's Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. They only dated 4 days when they decided to tie the knot.



And instead of exchanging wedding rings? Yep, you guessed it. They exchanged tattoos. Pamela tattooed "Tommy" on her ring finger. And Tommy? Well, he went all out. Literally and figuratively. He tattooed "Pamela" on his, er, um, penis. Talk about pain and pleasure. Of course, they divorced, and she changed "Tommy" to "Mommy". I have NO idea what he did with his tattoo. But if I were dating a man who had another woman's NAME on his PENIS, that said PENIS would not be entering THIS woman's body parts, I'll tell you that much!

I could go on an on about celebrity tattoos gone wrong, but I won't. I'll just tell you one more.

Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder were a couple back in the 1990's.




"I love Winona. I'm going to love her forever. Putting her on my arm solidified it. Tattoos are extremely permanent." -Johnny Depp

The engagement was called off before marching down the aisle. Johnny removes the "NA" from "Winona" so now the tattoo says, "Wino forever". Nice.



You might wonder why I'm sharing all these tattoo broken-hearted stories with you. Well, it seems we have one right here in our little resort area, too. I was at the pool the other day and saw this tattoo on a man's back. I initially thought it was a snake working it's way down his back. My niece thought it was tiny footprints. She was right.





I went up to the man and said, "I'd like to ask you about your tattoo."

He replied, "Sure. And if you have 30 seconds, I'll tell you a little story about it, too!"

"Okay," I said, smiling, because I'm always game for a good story.

He said, "Well it started out as a heart with the initials "J", for my wife, and "G", for me, in a heart. This is my FIRST marriage, and I thought it would last forever. Well, that didn't work out, got divorced. My second wife's name began with a "V", so I went to the tattoo artist and asked if he'd change the "J" to a "V". No problem.

Well, the SECOND marriage didn't work," he continued, "and my THIRD wife's name was Nancy. So again I went to the tattoo artist and asked him to change the "V" to an "N". Again that was easy. Well, that marriage didn't work out either, so I though my next wife's name had to begin with the letter "W". She would have to be named "Wanda" or "Wendy", then I thought the hell with that, so I had the whole heart blackened in and broken. The footsteps are drunken Hawaiian footsteps because I spent a lot of time in Hawaii. Then I heard George Schultz (former Secretary of State), had a tattoo on his butt, so I wanted one, too. So I got a crab with the words, "Bite Me" tattooed below it. So I went from "I love you" to "Bite Me"!

Ooookay!

You ever wonder what a tattoo looks like on an old person? Wonder no more.



This woman is the most tattooed senior woman.




There are more and more of the younger generation getting tattoos. It should be interesting to see how these tattoos look when THEY are in their 70's and 80's.

I heard this joke the other day. "Young women who get a rose tattooed to their breast suddenly have a long stemmed rose when they are old."

I think I'd just play it safe and wear one of these temporary tattoos for senior citizens.



THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT THE TATTOO PARLOR

* "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."

* "We're all out of red, so I used pink."

* "There are 2 "O's" in Bob, right?"

* "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."

* "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."

* "The flag's all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect."

* "Oops!"

* "I never WAS good in spelling."

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Reflections of a Carnival

My contributions for today's Weekend Reflections were all taken at the carnival section at the Ostrich Festival in Chandler, AZ. To see more reflections, visit James at Newtown Area Photo.

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Happy St. Patrick's Day!

May those who love us love us

And those who don't love us

May God turn their hearts,

And if He doesn't turn their hearts,

May He turn their ankles,

So we'll know them by their limping.

- Irish Prayer

Happy St. Patrick's Day Everyone! I don't know what it is about this day, but everyone seems to have a little bit of Irish in them. It just makes me smile to see the number of people who will wear green today. I always wear green in remembrance and honor of my Irish mother, Margaret. I always dressed my kids in green when they were growing up. In fact, I still call them the night before St. Patrick's Day and remind them to wear green for Grandma.

Do you eat corn beef on this day? I be sure to do so either by cooking it or eating it in a restaurant. When my mom was still alive, I'd bring her a corn beef dinner. She sure enjoyed it!

Tonight we're getting together with a few friends and eating together. Three of us women all bought corn beef so we're sharing our dinner before going to the St. Patrick's Day Dance.

Last Saturday was the St. Patrick's Day Parade in the park. The usuals were there like this old, old horse.




The turtles belong to the kids on the horse and walking the horse.



The Kitchen Band is a crowd favorite.



I call this woman the "Green Queen". I have no idea who she is and what she is supposed to be, but she sure was interesting looking.



Even more interesting was the "Drag Queen" (riding) and his lady friend (walking).



Next up were the cowboys. The whole "getup" was cute, from the tall, ten-gallon hats to the "horses" that they rode.



They were followed by the stagecoach filled with C. Alice Riders. (Cialis - get it?)



The "Pick-Up" girl followed the "horses" and picked up their "poop". See the two blocks off to the side?



Then came the covered wagon.



But the best part of the parade, in MY OPINION, was when my studmuffin marched by with the Val Vista Lawn Chair Drill Team.

Left, right, left!



Attention!



Hand on Chair!



Present the chair.



Raise the chair.



Over your head.



Sit down.



Click the video below and watch what a bunch of old men can do with lawn chairs.






Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed,Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.

"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"

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The Ostrich Festival

There's one thing I have to say about Phoenix and the suburbs - there's ALWAYS something to do on the weekends. As a matter of fact, there's usually TOO much to do! This past weekend there was an Irish Festival in Phoenix, Aloha Festival in Tempe, Irish Festival in Fountains Hills (where they dye the water green for the huge fountain), and Chandler had it's annual Ostrich Festival. Well, for the past three years I've been wanting to go to the Ostrich Festival, and this year we finally made it.



There's enough there to keep you busy all day, especially if you have kids. There is a Main Carnival for the bigger kids, and a Kiddie Carnival.



There's also a petting zoo, a kid's zone, and pig races. Boy those little piggies can run!



We headed to the area where the ostrich races were held so we could see the first race of the day before it got too crowded.

The first event scheduled was jousting. Our section cheered for the blue knight. That's good 'cause he was cuter, if I may say so, myself.



Before the jousting started, we watched this woman make her horse do some fancy steps.



Then the jousting began!



It continued on the ground!



The Black Knight slays the Blue Knight!



The Black Knight is the Winner! Boo!



All a little hokey, but fun nonetheless.

Before I get to the ostrich races, let me share some information about them with you.

* A male ostrich is called a "rooster", a female is called a "hen".

* The ostrich has two toes, all other birds have three or four toes.

* The ostrich is the largest living bird in the world.

* Adult males are 8 to 10 feet tall and weigh 350-400 pounds.

* The ostrich can run at speeds of up to 40 mph for sustained times.

* An ostrich will live to be 50-75 years old.

* Females sit on eggs by day, males sit on eggs by night.


There were three ostriches in the race, and three brave riders. The riders could barely hang on!



This rider fell off and is running for his life! Look who's chasing him!



Ostrich on the loose!



Next were the chariot races. Blue guy is racing to the finish line.



Then they selected three kids from the audience to participate in emu chasing. You can just see the look of glee on their faces as they chase their particular animal while the crowd cheered them on.



Camel racing was next.



When the races were over we went to get something to eat. There was a long line waiting to buy ostrich burgers. Somehow I couldn't bring myself to eat one.



This couple said they were delicious - tasted like hamburgers but not as greasy.



I settled for a gyro and Jim bought some Thai food. The food was expensive, but good.

I saw a guy wearing this hat. Couldn't resist taking a picture of it.



Jim lost his cell phone while we were there, and someone was kind enough to turn it in to Security. Thank you to whoever turned it in!

It was a fun day. And I learned two things. I would never ride an ostrich, nor would I want one as a pet. Who would want a pet that is taller, fatter and can run faster than me?




Watch one of the races here.

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